Crits of the Fantastical - Every time you swear...

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May 11th, 2009

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12:22 pm - Every time you swear...

{ annotate this manuscript }


From:[personal profile] garlicandsapphires
Date:May 12th, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
I found it quite funny, but think it would be more so if the tone of the humour were more consistent. It goes from the more understated absurd (e.g. conversation about bells and Sunday School) to outright sarcastic ("at this point it would be nice to say...") which jars, for me at least. Plus there are a couple of moments that would be better without the repetition/overstatement:

"As it turned out someone, or something, with a sense of humour happened to be eavesdropping on that particular conversation, at that precise moment. Something, or someone, with a very disturbed sense of humour."

"Obedience is a virtue. Angels are virtuous. Therefore, angels are also very obedient."

Also the dam--darned thing reminds me too much of a similar situation in one of the Discworld books (I can't remember which... a character causes demons to pop into existence every time he swears).

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